hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
