I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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