The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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