i was born a porn star she said
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
