C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
