I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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