Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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