Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
