DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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