A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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