how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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