I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
