I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
