just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i will never coherently bang her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
