have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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