i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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