I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
