Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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