I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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