I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
