i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
