I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
