Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
