I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
