pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
