1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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