I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
