Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
