my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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