I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
