I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
