I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
