This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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