Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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