and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
