what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
