Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
