do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
