just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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