Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
