What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
