im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
