I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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