Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Randomize
