escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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