Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
