I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
