i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
one might say we're banned from that church
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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