Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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