I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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